The week leading up to my 30th birthday was pretty emotional to say the least. Not only was I turning 30, but Adam was going to have football practice all weekend. Every time we'd try to schedule something to do, Coach Register would change the schedule. Up until that weekend, I didn't even know when we were celebrating my birthday. We had some family coming into town Friday, and my mom said they all wanted to go eat at Izzy's. Adam had practice, so I decided Anderson and I would go with her to meet them. They weren't meeting until 7:00, and suddenly right before we left, I got so sleepy and had this overwhelming urge to stay home and put Anderson to bed at his usual 7:00 bedtime and go to bed myself. But I decided to go, and when we walked in, not only was my family there, but so were several of my closest friends! Surprise!
I then started crying! (Clue #2?) I was so surprised and happy to see everyone! Adam never made it to Izzy's because of football practice. He had planned the whole thing, then couldn't even attend due to changes in the football schedule! Uggh. Did I really sign up for this coaches' wife thing? I thought I was patient enough!
He was able to join us at Orange Leaf for ice cream afterward, where my friends were giving Adam a recap of my response after walking into Izzy's. My friend, Cristina jokingly said, "She's not pregnant, is she?!" Adam's response, "There's going to be some testing, cause it ain't mine!"
After telling another friend about what happened, the first words out of her mouth: "She's not pregnant, is she?" What in the world?
Anderson and I got in the habit of going grocery shopping on Saturday mornings during football season while Adam had practice. (Since he wakes up at 6:30 ready to go seven days a week, we might as well be productive!) So I picked up a pregnancy test "just to make sure." When we got back, I put up the groceries, put Anderson down for his nap, and took the test.
The next few moments are a blur, but I remember feeling shock, disbelief, numbness. I went and sat on the bed, staring straight ahead, not sure what to do next. Adam was at practice. With Anderson, Adam and I were so careful not to tell anyone else, but I couldn't keep this inside! I decided to call my good friend, Cristina/Maria, but I couldn't even get the words out. She started guessing, "Is it work? Is it Adam? Is it football?" All I remember saying is, "It's not a BAD thing. I'm not going to let myself be UPSET about it." But clearly, I was in shock. She finally guessed it and I could only say yes. She grabbed a pregnancy test she had at home and brought it over. She looked at the little plus sign and the first words out of her mouth were, "I should've known you'd buy the cheap Kroger brand!" And she handed me her ClearBlue digital test, the kind that reads plainly "Pregnant," or "Not Pregnant." I couldn't even look at the results, so she pretended to be Chris Harrison from The Bachelor and handed it to me after she looked at it. When I finally read the word "Pregnant," I broke down again. I don't even feel like it was a sad cry, just hormonal, emotional, shock, zillions-of-questions- running-through-my-head crying.
This wasn't in The Plan! I hadn't forgotten the labor pains yet! Those first few trying weeks were still too fresh! Anderson was supposed to be at least three when Number Two was born! Would he even be TWO? He is still a little baby! He deserves better than this! Me and Anderson are a team; we keep the household running while Adam is absent during football season. We just got our little routine down; we don't want an outsider! We were going to have saved more money, I was going to get into better shape, I was going to have a January baby so there would be more time before football started back, I was going to think about going part time when Number Two was born, Anderson was going to be able to talk and understand about being a big brother... And NONE of this was going to be the case.
And for this Type A, controlling, everything-has-to-be-perfect planner, that was the beginning of God turning my world upside down.
Then enter opening night of Courageous, another one of Sherwood Baptist Church's amazing movies. (Don't let that fool you; awesome movie that Adam and I both stayed glued to the screen for its entirety) That movie drove home the importance of fatherhood and family in today's world.
"A disturbing trend has subtly crept into the American family, and its onslaught was so insidious that it went unnoticed for 40 years. It’s called the absent father. Fatherlessness affects more than 25 million children in America. Emotional fatherlessness affects millions more. Absent fathers are the root cause of children who are oftentimes abused, live in poverty, and suffer psychological distress, which produces: 63 percent of youth suicides, 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children, 85 percent of all children with behavioral problems, and 85 percent of all youth in prisons."
Adam sees this firsthand at work every day and truly takes it to heart. But this gave us something more to strive for. Instead of sitting around all comfy in our cute little house, planning our perfect little life, it made us realize we are all called for something so much more. And if we can provide that stability and love, then that is a huge blessing that we can and should use for God's glory. Not only for our children, but for these precious boys Adam influences every day. The ones who call him on Father's Day, the ones he picks up every day for practice (and usually takes even more home), the ones who can look to him for guidance when they may not have that at home. With the help of a wonderful couple in our church who teach our Sunday School class, we have been able to start ministering to them even more intentionally. From making dinner for the players' families or just having them over to hang out, it has been time and effort well spent, and I love getting to know these guys! By the way, if anyone would like to help out with this, that would be appreciated and needed. There are close to 100 football players, so I could never make enough dinners for all their families myself!
I say all that to reiterate how this movie just fell into place in this "seeing outside my own little world"
process that began on my birthday.I initially made the conscious decision not to be upset about this pregnancy, just because so many special and sweet friends around me would give anything to have a child, and it seems I have only met more and more of those people as my pregnancy progresses. From that, the Lord began opening my eyes. Opening them to think of children as a blessing and responsibility from Him, not something I fit into my life when or how I choose. Opening them to submit to His ultimate plan and timing and purpose for EVERYTHING. Opening my eyes to realize that Adam and I are more than capable to raising this child in a Christ centered home- we are expected to, and that is a huge responsibility we know not to take lightly, and that the Lord has blessed us to be able to financially raise another child, even if it means us not living so comfortably. Opening my eyes to realize and have faith that God will give me the strength to get through another football season taking care of TWO small children alone. Opening my eyes enough to be thankful that Adam and I are mature enough to bring another child into this world and that many people have children much closer than 23 months apart. Opened my eyes to the fact that I really don't have a say in His Plan, that I really don't have control over my life at all, and how insignificant my "plan" really is. And more importantly, He opened my eyes to how big and perfect His Plan and timing is.
This is Anderson, age 14 months, the day I found out I was expecting again:
Don't you think the onesie Anderson wearing is so ironic? (not only for him, but for me too!)
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